I was sailing along for a few days wondering if I was all right because I didn't feel like I was grieving then there it came again - the tears right at the surface, the overwhelming sadness, the hole that is left wanting to be filled with a baby, my baby. In the midst of all these feelings I do still find peace that God is good and he is with me still. I know God has taught me many things through this journey. One thing I know is he has taught me once again total surrender. I tend to be an "I can do it" person. According to my mom that has been my personality sinceI was little! With Luke there was nothing I could do but turn the whole situation over to God. I would always try to take it back only to have him remind me I could not do it myself. I know with my grief I will also have to just turn it over to God who will comfort me and remind me that my sweet little baby who had so many tubes and medications is free from all that and enjoying his heavenly home. That in itself brings comfort to know he is not suffering anymore.
I have put in the program from Luke's service because I love our favorite picture in black and white.
3 comments:
I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes after reading your post. Similar to how you want to do what only God can do - I wish so much there was something I or anyone could do to relieve your grief - but I know, only God can do that for you. The picture of Luke is beautiful, and the verse is so perfect. You are in my prayers.
We said a special prayer for you last night--as you find your way to a "new normal".
I hope that there are some support groups in your area. Even though there are so many people to love and support you--we "don't have the t-shirt" for giving our little one to the Lord like you have. Your faith and grace amaze me still! (that's three of my favorite words in one sentence):o)
Blessings sweet friend,
Jane
Susan,
I have no idea how you must be feeling. However, we had a teenager in our church give birth to a baby boy. He was born right around the same time as Luke. His name was baby Gavin. He was born with a rare disorder and is now in heaven with Jesus. The baby had problems breathing, and had many tubes just like Luke. I only share this because they were much like you. You both have ministered to my heart. You both lifted up God during all of this heartache. I also have this feeling that both boys are in the arms of Jesus free from all tubes, and breathing freely. My heart goes out to you and your family. You will continue to be in my prayers!
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