Blessings

I feel like I have been "running" for a week or two solid and I haven't even been to the gym! I have gotten so tied up with too many committments that I found myself very edgy today. I had absolutely NO "merry" in my Merry Christmas so I ran on to one more event, a concert at our church by a guy we all love to listen to. His name is JohnWaller and he talked tonight and sang about blessings. He told how he and his family had just spoken a blessing over their new son and then we sang that blessing. It made me think of all the ways God blesses us and how we need to ask him to bless us. We have received so many blessings this year. I know God blessed us so much through Luke's life. We continue to feel blessed to have so many friends and so much family but tonight I was reminded that we can also be a blessing to others and the way I was feeling today I definitely wasn't a blessing. It was so good to sit, listen, worship and connect with God and ask him to make me a blessing this year. I left with such a better attitude and a calmer heart. I pray this year I can slow down and remember to be a blessing.

Psalm 34:1 "I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips."

P.S. This is one of the pictures we took while trying to get a picture for our Christmas card - only the most photogenic one isn't looking right!

a lamb...

This week Sydney and I are in the Living Christmas Tree at our church. It is a big commitment (7 shows in 5 days) but always so rewarding. Sydney is just beside herself that she is finally in it. She is on the front row of the children's song and does her actions so well. She just loves to perform. She is also in the biblical part, but I haven't seen her yet since she chose to walk with her friends instead of her mom! She is SO independent at 7 years old.

Each night they put Jesus on the cross as we sing this beautiful song, "It took a Lamb". It just makes Jesus so real. First to see this innocent baby then seeing the same innocent man on the cross brings tears every night. It seems like I would get used to seeing it every night, but every night I find myself in tears. To think Jesus endured so much just to save each one of us is overwhelming. In the midst of all the hubub of the holiday season it is nice to have a visual reminder of the gift God gave us in his Son and the way he gave his life for us. I pray you will be blessed this Christmas season with some time to reflect on the gift of Jesus - an innocent lamb sacrificed so we can be forgiven.

Plugged In

There's an outlet in my bathroom at my Mom's house that when I plug in my hair straightener and try to use it, the plug always falls out. The connection is just loose from years of plugging things in and pulling plugs out. It is really frustrating when you want to keep your appliance plugged in and it keeps falling out. I was just sitting here listening to Mercy Me and thinking about God in that way. No matter how hard I try to stay "plugged in" sometimes I just get "pulled out" by life. I guess that is just a daily struggle in the world we live in (at least in mine!). I want my plug to stay in tight so that I am constantly plugged in to God. I pray often that he will fill me with such a desire for him that the earthly pulls can't make my connection loose. I am thankful that God desires a relationship with us and keeps pulling us back in when we fall out. He is just like that electricity - always on - just waiting for us to plug into him so he can fill us with his strength, spirit, power and love.

Ephesians 3:16-18 "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in you inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."

Thirsty?

I can remember the two best Diet Cokes I have ever had. You may think this is weird, but if you know me I always have a drink near me. Usually Diet Coke, water or tea. My first (best) DC was in New York City after a LONG day of walking and sightseeing. I remember how thirsty I was as we walked into the hotel and how good that DC was. My second (best) DC was at the end of the second day of the Susan G. Komen 3-day 60 mile walk for breast cancer. My friends and I walked up a hill at the end the 23rd mile of the day and there at the top was a Quick Trip. Of course we detoured in for a much needed DC to quench our thirst. In a recent sermon the pastor talked about Matthew 5:13 where Jesus tells us we are the salt of the earth. The pastor talked about how salt made us feel - thirsty. (I know because Mexican food is salty and I always need more DC) He shared how we should make people thirsty for God if we are truly being the salt of the earth. Our very lives should make people thirsty so we can share how God can quench that thirst over and over again no matter how thirsty we get. He satisfies our thirst more than anything here on earth can. He is our living water. I want to be thirsty for God and I want to make others thirsty for more than Diet Coke!

I'm back...

Sorry it has been so long. I've let life get me too busy and we were gone a week on vacation! We have had a few monumental things happen. Hogan got all his hair cut off and Sydney has lost both her front teeth. Both of them look so different now! We had a great time as a family in Orlando. We did one day at Magic Kingdom, one day at Wet and Wild (where I screamed on most rides - they were crazy, scary slides!) and one day at the Nick Hotel (seriously overpriced room, but well worth watching the kids have so much fun. We even got slimed.) It was good to get away. I have also been able to get together with Luke's nurse from Scottish-Rite. It was really good to connect with her again, I enjoy her friendship. She was our weekend nurse and we became really close talking each Saturday and Sunday. I thank God that he gave me two friends in the nurses who took care of Luke. It is good to be able to talk to them since they knew Luke.

While in Tampa we went to church with Eric's sister. I loved their church and their pastor(http://www.idlewild.org/). He used a verse I loved. Micah 6:8 " And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." He talked about living compartmentalized lives - do we do or act certain ways around certain people or are we an open book, living for Jesus everday in all we do? Do we wear masks everyday and not just at Halloween? Does what we do on Friday match what we do on Sunday? God requires so little of us yet it can seem monumental in this earthly world. He just wants us to walk humbly with him. The pastor defined humbly or humility as total dependence on God. Walking with God through the big and the small in life, the good and the bad, the mountains and the valleys. We may not live perfect lives, but as believers we are forgiven in our walk with our God.

Broken

Well, I did it tonight. I broke my bowl. This idea all began from a blog I follow of another mother who lost a baby. Back in May my brother's family was here and I was reading the blog on my computer one night with Kirsten. This girl told how she had read in a grief book that it would be good therapy to break a piece of pottery. She felt led to break a pitcher one night and God really touched her as she put it back together... Of course, within the week my sister (in-law) Kirsten had bought me a bowl to break when I was ready, but I wasn't ready. I put it on the fridge in the laundry room and have looked at it often, but haven't felt the need to break it. Tonight I was overwhelmed as I lay sleepless in bed, praying, that I had to get up and break the bowl. With many tears, I sat outside and held the bowl for a long time. It was really pretty. It felt good to hold it whole, but I knew I needed to break it. Memories of Luke played in my head. I thanked God for his life and the journey we have gone through. Joy, tears, trust, faith, total surrender. I felt God saying "I need all of you - broken" - I thought of Jesus and how he gave his body to be broken on the cross for all of us - it was then that I could break the bowl. (Of course it didn't break when I threw it down and it made a really loud noise at 1a.m. so I went into the shop and used a hammer. Doesn't God always bring a smile in the midst of tears!) I picked up the pieces and carefully carried them inside. I began to glue them back together thinking of how God puts us back together. We may still bear the scars from our brokeness but we can be whole again. I love my bowl even more now. I know it is in the brokeness that God can flow through us and use us for His purpose. My bowl sits in my china cabinet now so I can see it daily and thank God for using us, taking care of us and most of all for loving us.

Psalm 147 :1-5 "Praise the Lord. How good to sing praises to our God! How delightful and how fitting...He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!"

I like to eat...

I called my brother Rob, this week to see what to order at the Thai restaurant I was going to. A lot of our conversations revolve around food and cooking. We both love to eat and experiment. My dad and I loved to talk about food too and now I find myself talking about what I have cooked with his brother Jerry whenever I call him. As I thought about how important food is to me - it made me think of God in the same way. Do I hunger for God? Do I crave God like I crave Mexican food and chocolate? I have found this year that the closer I get to God the more I hunger for him and desire fellowship with him. I find myself going to him many times a day and he can satisfy me much more than chips-n-salsa can!!! I live to eat and I want to live for God!

"Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled."

Matthew 5:6

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast.I will praise you with songs of joy." Psalm 63:5

Prayer

I find myself so much more dedicated to prayer since my time with Luke. I tend to have an on-going conversation with God a lot of days. A lot of the time it is because there are so many people I feel led to pray for. I also take the words "I'll pray for you" so much more to heart as I know the power of prayer when you are in a difficult situation. I am so thankful to have a God who cares to listen to our desires, needs, concerns and wants. This morning in Bible study the lady spoke of relationship not religion. Relationship is what we will have when we constantly converse with God and also take time to listen to him. I am trying hard to listen to him on the desire for a baby. We are all left with a desire for another baby but can't have any more of our own. We haven't yet felt led to any certain adoption agency. We did feel led in July to write a letter to a birthmother in the area who was looking for a family for her baby. She chose another family which we know was God's will. (We had been praying whatever was God's will in this situation.) We are still open for whatever God has in store for us whether it is to give us the closure that we will just be a family of four here on earth or open a door for a baby for us. We are just praying and listening.

Here is a picture of Hogan Sydney and me at the wedding in KC. Hogan was not thrilled to wear a tux, but Sydney was more than thrilled with her dress! It was on her birthday and made for a great party. She caught the bouquet and danced the entire night. Hogan was just happy playing Sydney's new Nintendo DS! It was really fun to be at a wedding and not a funeral! Our family has had too many of those this past year.

Dependence

"Are we living at such a level of human dependence on Jesus Christ that His life is being exhibited moment by moment in us?"

That question really stuck with me tonight as I read "Utmost for His Highest". I was talking this week with my friend about depending on God and how easy it is in situations of great need. How comforting it is to know God is there, supporting us and caring for us. That he just draws us so close in difficult times that we hunger for him. I think the farther we get away from these times the easier it is to depend less on God. I am trying to continue to depend on God with all my life (though it does get difficult when playing referee with my kids. I know I don't always glorify God in these times, but I guess that is the human side of me!) and hunger for him as much as I did when walking through Luke's life. We just don't know who is watching us and who might see Jesus in us in our every day activities. I know God uses us through our times of crisis. Even when we are hurting we can be a witness to others. My friend is already hearing of how others see her faith as she depends on God while she takes care of her husband with cancer. It felt so good to us to hear the stories of people who were touched through Luke's life. Those times are easy for me - I want to hunger and depend on God in the every day, moment to moment stuff. That's my goal this year.

We celebrated Hogan's 11th birthday this week with a sleepover/swimming/campout party. There were six boys who went from riding ATVs to driving the golfcart to swimming then back to ATVs...all night long! Finally when it was time to campout in the tent they lasted about 45 minutes and came in because they were too hot! At least they had fun! Next week we will celebrate Sydney's 7th birthday. Her party will have to wait a week because all the kids (Caleb, Sarah, Ben, Hogan and Sydney) will be in a wedding in KC on her birthday! I'm sure Kirsten will get some great pictures. Who needs to carry a camera when you have a sister-in-law with camera and video ready to shoot!

Luke's Garden

I don't know why it has taken me so long to put these pictures on. After Luke died a lot of people got us plants to make a garden for Luke. I took these pictures soon after we got it all in. The Texas girls bought a couple rose bushes, (one yellow rose of Texas bush!) a peony and a hydrangea. Kirsten's mom got some beautiful daylillies. The Larsen and Goerz families got a tea olive bush, gardenia (my favorite) and some forget-me-nots. Our parents stargazer lillies that were at the funeral are planted in the garden and an azalea and a hydrangea from Delta. It has been so fun watering and caring for this little garden. The roses have been beautiful and Kirsten took an award-winning picture one weekend - water droplets and all, but I can't seem to get it to load on the blog. Maybe she will put it on! Anyway, thank you to all who provided the plants they are beautiful and bringing enjoyment to us. This week the kids and I made a stone for the garden. It is now sticking among the plants and looks great. This picture is the stone in the drying process.

We are all still doing well. We have almost made it through our summer - it has gone really quickly! We are going to get one more day in at Six Flags tomorrow. Last time we were there my brother and I were riding the scariest ride I have ever been on - Acrophobia. You are in a chair with just a harness across your chest. The ride takes you 200 feet in the air and drops you at 62 mph. As we were getting ready to go up Rob checked his harness and said "this is the definition of trust". This was the only ride I have ever been on that took the scream out of my mouth! As I walked away on shakey legs I thought more about the trust we had in this seat and harness that held us on the ride. Sometimes we are faced with situations in life where we have to trust God to be our safety harnesses. I am thankful to have lived through a few but have never had the shakey feeling I did getting off that ride. Putting my trust in God is so much more secure and goes beyond all earthly measures of feeling. I am thankful to have a Father who holds us securely in His arms in times of trouble and in whom we can place our trust.

Family

This is a family tradition - the Fourth of July parade in Peachtree City. As you can see I did a little tie-dyeing this year! We love to look obnoxious with our spirit - the more red, white and blue the better. One year we may even be in the parade. Who knows what we will represent but the float will be awesome. Every year we add more ideas to our list for someday!

We still miss Luke and always will. As far as grieving, I think I grieved for Luke so much while he was alive that I am doing well right now. As far as the kids and Eric, it is hitting a little more lately. We just try to support each other, cry and talk about it. That seems to help. We pray as a family for God's direction for us and are ready for where he leads.

Today some beautiful little girls who live in an orphanage in Haiti sang at church about needing nothing but the Lord. They truly have nothing but Jesus. It was so moving to listen to and think about what they were singing. We truly need nothing more in this world than Jesus. He can take care of our every need and is our hope for heaven. I strive daily to put God first in all I do and to be bold enough to share him with others. It doesn't always work that way. The stuff of life always creeps in to busy up my day. But each day I will wake up and do my best to start with God and his desires for my life.

Life

God is so good to give us glimpses of his plan. This week I re-connected with one our nurses at Piedmont up in the city. (Luke was born at Piedmont - Fayette and then transferred to Piedmont in the city then moved to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta). I often wondered why so many hospitals. I think now one of the reasons was so we could meet Teri. She emailed me this week to say how sad she was over Luke's death and to share her own story with me. Her 17 year-old son died just a few days after Luke. He was involved in a car accident on Mother's Day. She had her son so much longer and he was taken so suddenly. I am so sad for her. Who knew when we met in February that we would both lose our sons a few months later. I am thankful God allowed us to bond over Luke. It will be good to share grief with her and also good to talk about Luke. She was one person who really knew him when he was awake and interacting. She always told me "there is just something special about him when I look into his eyes". I shared with her how my brother's pastor used bubbles in his Easter sermon to talk about our lives. Some last just for a second and some much longer. Each one is precious no matter how long they are here and each one special and unique. I will always think about that when I see bubbles and think about Luke's short little life that was so big in its impact. Tonight my nephew Ben was blowing bubbles and watching them rise high in the air. He said they were flying up to heaven! Heaven is so real to all of and seems so close now that Luke is there.

Tears of Joy

I have to thank my brother Rob and sister-in-law Kirsten for the beautiful video of Luke's life. They are such wonderfully talented people as well as tremendous supports for all of us.

I too watched the beautiful video of Luke with tears streaming down my face - tears of joy for the beautiful little boy God entrusted to us for a short time. As I was crying and watching Sydney said, "You know he is in a better place, Mommy". I think that is where we all are. We miss Luke but know he is in a much better way and place. Tonight as we were going to bed Sydney said," I just wish Luke could have stayed here. I really wanted a baby in our own family to take care of." We talked some more about God's plans and how this one would have to remain God's plan as we can't have any more children of our own. I know this is all difficult for a six-year-old to understand, good thing ours is six going on 16! We do all love babies and had so much fun holding my cousin's baby Cooper last week in Kansas City. He is a darling eight-month old chunk! I think the mothering nature is like that of a shepherd. In a devotional book I was reading by Max Lucado he talks about "God ... the waiting Father, the caring Shepherd in search of his lamb. His legs are scratched, his feet are sore and his eyes are burning. He scales the cliffs and traverses the fields. He explores the caves. He cups his hands to his mouth and calls into the canyon. And the name he call is yours... The message is simple: God gave up his Son in order to rescue all his sons and daughters." What a picture of God searching for each one of us to be his children. It is so important to know him and listen to his voice.
I pray for God to continue using us as a family, I pray we will be still and listen to his voice, I pray God will continue growing our faith and keep us close beside him - our Shepherd.

remembering Luke

Blessed Assurance

"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine, Oh what a foretaste of Glory divine." I have been blessed with assurance this week from God and a glimpse of Glory. As always I tend to "think" about life and Luke more on Sundays and last Sunday I was really struggling with Luke's life and death. I didn't feel well Sunday night and went to bed early (way before midnight! - early for me) but ended up being up off and on all night. I did a lot of praying that God would take this struggle from me with all the "what-ifs" going through my mind. Sometime in the night I had a very vivid image of my dad, who died nine years ago, holding Luke - a healthy Luke. He was standing with both of my grandmothers and Eric's grandfather, all whom have died in the last year. It was a very comforting image. I also relived each of the dreams I had while Luke was alive. In each of the dreams Luke was laughing and pulling his breathing tube out and getting away from me like it was a game. I woke up Monday feeling quite a weight lifted from me. I felt the complete assurance that Luke was okay and where he was supposed to be from the beginning. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Luke came for a purpose and God has shown me Luke has received his reward in heaven. I have been filled with a peace this week that only God can give.

Peace was good to have this week since it was Vacation Bible School week. It was such a fun week of teaching, crafting, laughing and of course eating! It is always tiring and hectic at times even a little scary since after seven years of teaching together my friend Amy and I realized we were very organized this year - something new for each of us! It is always so neat to hear the kids singing about God and being excited about what they are learning. I heard at least 26 children accepted Jesus as their Savior. That makes it all the more exciting!

Thank you all who continue to pray for our family. I am already praying for where God will use us next. We are all healing and doing well. We continue to be blessed by the stories we hear of how Luke's story has touched lives. Thank you for sharing. I continue to write thank you notes and know I have missed some of you. I appreciate everything you have done to help.

If you get a chance to read Psalm 145, that is what I was drawn to this week.

Change

I am not one to make big changes quickly. Even though I like to be spontaneous in the day-to-day, I like to think things over for a while...like moving to Georgia. Eric likes to tell that I came down I-70 making fingernail marks as I held on to the highway, but I now call Georgia home. We don't have family here but God has provided us with His family in our Christian friends here. Having Luke was a big change I had to think over a while. I was okay with two children but when we got pregnant I had to get my mind around three. I was so ready for our family to grow and ready to love a new little baby. I now have to get my mind back around our family of four. We were five for such a brief moment in time - but I was ready for that. We all work not to forget Luke. Hogan put a picture of him on my phone today so I won't forget him. I continue to walk back through each of his days as I imprint each moment into my mind. God continues to bless us each day some with laughter, some with tears, some with questions but mostly with assurance. How could we live without God's assurance that He is with us each step of the way. In Utmost for His Highest it says, "When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be nonexistent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'I will never...forsake you.'" No matter what God is with us and carrying us. I was recently talking with a friend walking through a very difficult time and we talked about how when we know "we can't do it" God always brings us through with strength and peace for every moment.

Today is one month without Luke on this earth. It has been a month of change. Death, a funeral, going back to a "normal" life, school ending, travel, a haircut (I had a big haircut this week). My hairdresser was hesitant to do such a drastic cut - too much change at once, but I laughed and said let's just do it! Change can seem hard but usually ends up good and it has been especially good for Luke because he no longer is confined to his struggles here on earth.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."

Hungry

A couple of days ago I took Sydney to my brother's house so she could be with her "twin". That is what she and Sarah are calling themselves lately. (They couldn't look more different so it is really cute!) Of course I was hungry for our ususal - SATCO - San Antonio Taco Co. So after a huge healthy lunch of wings and chips-n-cheese I headed back to Atlanta. As I sat down on the plane I realized I was still hungry not for food but for God's word. I opened to Revelation as I wanted to read a little about heaven. Even though I didn't understand a lot of the things I read it was comforting and there in the midst more reassurance that God made Luke just like He wanted. Revelation 4:11 " You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." As I know I will for a while I continue to go back over each day of his life and each little part of him. I loved him so much and miss him so much even though it was a tough life for all of us, especially him. God is providing healing tears and so much support from friends.

Faith

I talked with some friends last week about how at night my mind wanders back over all Luke went through and the decisions we made and was it all right. We all agreed that when we are finally quiet and trying to go to sleep is the time we are attacked the most. I have been able to get through each night with tears, but turning it all over to God. I have to go back through His perfect plan. He chose the exact number of days Luke was to be here on this earth and we had nothing to do with that. I am finding more peace as I sleep. I have faith that God led us through Luke's life exactly the way he had planned and He will lead us through his death with His comfort and peace. I am reading a book on grieving that my brother brought me written by his friends David and Nancy Guthrie. I really like what they say on faith. "This is what real faith is - a gift of God that enables you to keep loving and following him even when His plan is not yours, even when death has taken away the one you love. God promises that His gift of grace will be enough."

Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

New Club

I sit crying at my computer as I read other mom's blogs and watch video after video of babies who had such short little lives. I just emailed my sister-in-law that I feel like I have joined a new club. There seem to be so many of us out there who have lost a baby. Isn't is wonderful that we can share the pain and know there are people out there who know exactly how we feel. I looked back through Luke's pictures tonight and just thought "how sick he was". When I was concentrating on each day and the struggles each day brought it was hard to see the whole picture. As Eric has said, Luke seemed imperfect in this world but God created him perfect. That is how he is now in heaven. God who creates also provides. He provides laughter in the midst of sadness and joy in my tears. I know he has linked me to other stories to help me grieve and experience the comfort others in the same situation. I like this poem a friend shared with me the other day.

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author unknown

I was sailing along for a few days wondering if I was all right because I didn't feel like I was grieving then there it came again - the tears right at the surface, the overwhelming sadness, the hole that is left wanting to be filled with a baby, my baby. In the midst of all these feelings I do still find peace that God is good and he is with me still. I know God has taught me many things through this journey. One thing I know is he has taught me once again total surrender. I tend to be an "I can do it" person. According to my mom that has been my personality sinceI was little! With Luke there was nothing I could do but turn the whole situation over to God. I would always try to take it back only to have him remind me I could not do it myself. I know with my grief I will also have to just turn it over to God who will comfort me and remind me that my sweet little baby who had so many tubes and medications is free from all that and enjoying his heavenly home. That in itself brings comfort to know he is not suffering anymore.

I have put in the program from Luke's service because I love our favorite picture in black and white.

email

I thought I would post my email so you could email me if you want. I would love to keep up with you personally. You can reach me at seheim@bellsouth.net.

So Short.

I read back through all our entries in the blog tonight and am shocked to feel (from reading) how quickly Luke's life went. When I was living all this it seemed unending. I so badly wanted to know where we were heading when we were going through all this and now am so thankful God didn't show me. We were able to live each day to the fullest whether good or bad with Luke. We truly just took it one day at a time. I'm glad it seemed long to us because we were only going to have Luke here for a short time. I am doing okay with my grieving. I miss that sweet little boy I knew here on earth, but am so thrilled for him that he is free from the struggles of this world. I know there will still be tears in fact they are usually right there at the surface but I do feel the peace of God which does surpass ALL understanding. I have the hope that I will be with Luke again and the knowledge that God has orchestrated his whole little short life.

Lamentations 3:22 "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."

Our family has been out of town for a few days. It has been a good time to re-connect, reflect and rest. Sunday was a really hard day. Most everyone had left and the loss of Luke was really heavy on me. I have had a routine for the last 11 weeks. I would get my kids off to school and then head right to the hospital. I would stay with Luke until late afternoon then go home to eat dinner with our family and be with Hogan and Sydney for the evening. On Sundays we would go to church then head up to the hospital. This last Sunday was the first break from that routine and it really hit me he is gone. Tears help and heal and I know God brings comfort. As a friend reminded us, Jesus wept. He felt grief just as we do so we will cry when we need to and hold on to the memory of Luke.

Celebration

We were just overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from so many people these past few days. So many of you came Thursday night to share our tears and many more on Friday to celebrate Luke's life. I will never forget the endless line of people behind us as we walked across the street to the cemetary. God filled us with peace that truly passes all understanding Friday as we said good-bye to the little body we knew here on earth. I felt God give me a glimpse of Luke in heaven and the excitement he will feel to show us his heavenly home someday. I shed many tears but had much laughter with our family who came to cry with us, laugh with us, help and comfort us. We will never be able to thank everyone enough. I hope someday to be able to give back to you a little of what has been given to us.

I have been so attached to this blog and look forward to your comments. I may have to blog more from time to time. It may help me feel closer to Luke. Please continue to share his story. We know his life had a purpose here on earth and his purpose has been fulfilled. I pray his life will continue reflect God's goodness and love.

Luke's Service

We will have a visitation tomorrow night (Thursday) from 6-8 p.m. at Mowell's Funeral Home in Fayetteville. Friday at 2 p.m. we will have a service at New Hope Baptist Church in Fayetteville. Luke will be buried across from the church in the New Hope cemetary.

From Sydney

The thing we have left here on earth of Luke is his pictures and his love. All the rest of his body is in heaven with God. Hogan and I got to keep his little hospital bands and we got his little footprints and we got to keep his blankets. Mommy almost wrapped Luke up in the one I got and I really love that blanket. This is my first time writing on the blog but my Mom is actually typing it because it would take a long time for me to do it. I have love for all of you and you have done a lot for my family and that's nice. you all are a blessing to our family.
my favorite verse is proverbs 3:5/6 trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. you all have been really really really really nice. I dont know how to explain how nice you all have been.

Thanks

We thank God for the blessing he has given us in Luke and his journey through his short life. We loved him so much and are thankful he is free from his struggle to breathe, the many tubes, the pain and swelling. We know he is free and healthy in heaven with our Heavenly Father, who created him so special. Yesterday may have been the hardest day of my life, and one I would never trade. I was filled with God's peace and re-assurance that Luke's life would be in heaven. He answered every one of our prayers. He is so good. He allowed me every thing I needed for closure. I even got to bathe him and dress him, something I really wanted to do. I am thankful the nurses have let me be very "hands-on" these last 11 weeks. We are all filled with sadness and many tears but joyful in Luke's victory over this life.

I can't begin to thank every one of you who have followed Luke's story. Your encouragement, love and prayers have been so uplifting to me. God blessed us with you and your words. So many of you we don't even know. I hope someday to meet some of you. (Jane, I will be coming to TX!) We started this blog to share information on Luke but it ended up a wonderful blessing for us in such a hard time. Friends have cared for us so much. We have had food now for 11 weeks. It was so wonderful to come home from a long day at the hospital and not have to plan dinner. Sometimes my mind just couldn't think that much. We have had monetary help with gas - it was an 80 mile round trip each day to the hospital. We have had so many encouraging cards. We have had help from our wonderful parents. God has provided in every way through our wonderful Christian family. We thank every one of you. I am sorry I have been lax in my thank you not writing. I am not a list maker and have lost track of who I have thanked. If you get two - sorry!

As Hogan says - to sum it all up, I am feeling very thankful for each of of you, to God for the blessing of Luke, his answers to our prayers, and his goodness in giving us this wonderful experience.

Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Alot of fight in him.

Our little Luke fought longer than ANY of his doctors could believe. They did everything HUMANLY possible to help him but in the end only God could heal him. God made him like he was for his purpose & we wouldn't change a thing if we had to do this all over again. We will have more details on the service coming soon, the intent is to have a service @ Moel's in Fayetteville on Thursday night & his funeral at our church, New Hope Baptist Church on Friday sometime. Susan & I request that instead of flowers that if you feel led to send something, to please donate to the children's ministry at New Hope or to our Nigerian Mission Project which provides medical care & water to our friends in Nigeria, just designate one or the other. You can send a check payable to New Hope Baptist Church the website is www.newhopebc.org & the address is 551 New Hope Rd. Fayetteville, Ga. 30214 & just put a note in the memo. You all have helped carry us through this tough time with your kind words & prayers. We will have more updates to follow on the service times as we can. Love you all....Eric.

There is only one way to heaven & that is through Jesus Christ, Luke will be waiting for us when we get there one day. We find great hope that we will be with him then & that he will be running in Heaven (and breathing). We hope to see all of you there one day as well.

John 3:16 For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, so those that believe in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

Luke was healed today

God choose to heal Luke today and he is now with Him in heaven - whole and healthy and breathing freely. We praise God for His goodness and mercy. We will post more later.

New Typer

Hi. I am Luke's big brother, Hogan. My mom said I can type the blog tonight. Luke didn't have a good day today. His vent settings went back to where we started last week: high. His co2 remains high. His oxygen was at 100% to keep him oxygenating well. One good thing is his chest x-ray looked better today. My nana & papa came in today. They are going to let my grandma go home. She has been here since the day Luke was born. She has helped in so many ways I can't tell you. Here is some info about me. I am in 4th grade and I'm 10. I am a black belt in karate. Today was the county math bowl. I didn't win. I have a dog named Sugar. She is a yellow lab. She is 1 year old. She is HUGE for a puppy. I'm going to sum this up. Luke needs a lot of prayer to help him through this battle. I am baptized and believe in the Lord. If you don't believe in the Lord I suggest you try going to church and see how graceful and beautiful being a member of the Lord's family is. I am not afraid of dying because I know I am going to Heaven. Pray for Luke!

Amazing God

Luke was down to 3.96 kilos today. He didn't look much less swollen but evidently is still losing fluid. He still has a lot to lose. Today the prayer request is for his lungs. He had some collapsing on the lower right lobe. This is not new. It just seems to shift around. Some days the lungs are fully inflated and some days there is atelectisis (collapsing). It was sounding a little better by the time we left today. Although his lungs never sound very good. His co2 was better today. Thanks for the prayers. He is still in such a better place than a couple weeks ago. We just need to continue to make progress. My favorite place is still sitting next to him holding his hand

We sang a song in church today that really hit me - "Indescribable". When I think back on all he has brought Luke through and all the ways he is working in other peoples lives all over the world I am unable to imagine that kind of power. It is indescribable. It hit me the other day that is was soon after the doctor had told us that after this long most likely the swelling wouldn't come off Luke - he began to lose the swelling. It was like God answered our prayers after it would be evident it was only his power of healing that would bring it off. We are awestruck at how he continues to work in Luke's life and touch others through this little boy. We serve such an amazing God. He created this whole earth and each one of us in his image so we can love him, accept him and live with him forever. He knows each one of us by name and cares about every part of our lives. You are amazing God!

Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God, You are amazing God

Bump in the road!

After eight days of steady progress we hit a bump in the road. Last night and today Luke's co2 level has been up. It is down a little tonight but still not as low as I would like to see. You can pray with me that it will come down and level out at a lower level. He is eating about half what he was when he came to Scottish Rite. I think this is the highest he has gotten since then on his feedings. He still looks so good. Our weekend nurse could really tell a difference today in his swelling. I think at the peak of his swelling he was about 6.5 kilos and he is down to 4.6 as of last night. I tell him he is my incredible shrinking little man!

Laminin

Here is a link mentioned in our comments from yesterday. It is a real blessing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Slow and Steady

Those were the words used by the nurse tonight. That is the kind of progress we have been making for a week now. I think this is the most days in a row Luke has had where he is progressively getting better. We rejoice in each setting that changes and over every part of him that looks less swollen. God is so powerful and good and he is showing us he can do mighty things with Luke. It is so fun for nurses who haven't seen him in a week or so to come by. They are shocked to see the change in him. We are so thankful for your prayers.

I find it hard to write tonight as some friends of ours got some not so good news today. As I cried with my eyes and cried out to God some verses in Joshua came to my mind.

Joshua 1:5 "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

How comforting to know God is with us no matter what we are going through. All we have to do is believe in him and ask him to forgive us. He will come into our hearts and he will never leave us. I know he has been right with us and also with Luke. We have felt the Holy Spirit comfort us in all our ups and downs. I know he rejoices with us in Luke's progress and he has carried us through our tears.

In His Hands

I love to hold Luke's little hand. It feels so good to feel him squeeze my finger, probably just a reaction in his sleep, but it still feels good to connect with him. His little hands have been so swollen and still have a ways to go, but even swollen I would hold his hand and hope he felt the connection and it made him feel good. Often I feel I walk through the day holding God's hand just so I can be close and feel connected to him. My prayers are usually a running conversation off and on all day as I hold on to God. Meanwhile he is holding the whole world in his hands. I am reminded of this as I pray for others who also hold onto God's hand, a little friend who will face heart surgery tomorrow, her parents as they wait during her surgery, a friend who tries to recover from a really bad car accident...how overwhelming to us to think God cares and is involved in so many lives. Lives he created and people he calls his children, his very own. Oh how he loves you and me.

1 John 4:9-10 "This is how God showed his love among us; He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love; not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."

Luke continues to do well. They weaned him quite a bit today and have had to go back a bit on it tonight, but hopefully by morning they can get him back to some of his settings from today. His labs continue to be good and he was resting really well today. Thank you for continuing to pray for Luke.

Looking Good!

Luke just looks better every day. We just sit there and study him to see what might be different. Today he was really moving his mouth, sucking on his tube and opening his mouth really big. He can shut his mouth all the way now too. Today he was moving his head just a little too. His hands are still swollen, but you can squish the fluid in them where before they were tight and looked ready to pop. Today the doctor raised his feeds and lowered his vent settings a little. So far he has done well with both. One thing I really want to pray against is more infection. That could really set him back again. Today the doctor used the words that he is improving! How wonderful and how far we are from last week.

Today in My Utmost for His Highest the title is "Gracious Uncertainty". Oswald Chambers goes on to explain, "Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life - gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation" I think that is how I have been feeling lately - still uncertain of exactly where we are headed with Luke, but certain of my belief in God and that he is in control and answering our prayers each day. I am filled with expectation of what the future will bring and excited to see what God will do next. He is so good and brings new strength and blessings every morning. We face each day with gracious uncertainty - abandoned to God and expectant in what he will bring each day on Luke's journey.

Psalm 71:14 "But as for me, I will always have hope, I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteousness, of your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone."

Kendall, we will get a better hand picture tomorrow!

Slowly but...Slowly

Luke continues to amaze the hospital staff & his parents :) Susan & I can't believe how far he has come with his swelling, he still has a long way to go but we are so encouraged. His condition improves with the reduction in swelling, it caused so many complications. We are watching his eyes like a couple of seeds that were planted in the ground, just waiting for them to emerge. His swelling will need to go down a good bit more to see them, but we can see them moving around under his eyelids now.

Matthew 5:14-16

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp & put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds & praise your father in heaven.

I believe that for this short moment in eternity Luke is shining God's light on many people. Maybe he is just a little like the moon, in how it reflects the light of the sun & lights up the dark of the earth at night for a short time, allowing those who could not see a chance to see. Because of this we praise our father in heaven. We are so very thankful that he has used Luke in the way he has & continue to pray that God works miracles not only in Luke's life but in the lives of all of you who have showered us with your affection & prayers.

He will be weaned off his sedation for more than a month & his steroids will take a long time to be weaned as well. I had a tough time hearing the nurse mention that he will be off of the medications by June. That seems so far away, April 29th seemed so far away a coule of months ago however & the Lord's grace has carried us this far, I trust it is sufficient to carry us as far as we need to go.

I am going to try to find a picture from the 1st day in this hospital, the peak of his swelling & today so that you can compare them & see more clearly the progress he has made. God Bless all of you, I don't even know some of you but you have touched my family deeply with your concern. Only through God is it possible to be blessed by a stranger in this way. Take care!!

More Progress!!!!

Luke is just doing so well. Eric and I could see so much progress with his swelling. His little ears are taking shape again. His chest and stomach are much smaller. We can see the holes in his nose now! We love to sit there and check out every inch of him to see how he changes. He continues to do well breathing on the new vent. Today I took him some music and a little player with a pillow speaker. Now he can listen to the same music Hogan and Sydney listened to as they went to sleep as babies. I just talked to the nurse and she thought it seemed soothing to him. We just praise God for how far he has brought Luke this week.

This morning at church the speaker talked about the relationship this certain kind of sheep have with their shepherd and how they learn his voice from the moment they are born and follow his voice when he calls to them. God wants this kind of relationship with us from the moment we come to know him. He wants us to learn his voice, love him and build our relationship with him so that we know and depend on him as our heavenly father. In trials like we have been going through, we hear God's voice calling us closer to him. We follow his word and trust in his will for our lives. I have spent the last nine weeks building my relationship with Luke as he hears my voice and I learn his ways, all the while leaning on my heavenly father. I pray Luke finds comfort from me and my voice as I find comfort in God.

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart, he gently leads those that have young."

Luke is just doing so great! He continues to do well on the new vent. He didn't even de-sat when I picked him up to change his bed today and even calmed himself down (quit breathing over the vent and brought his co2 down) without extra sedation. They are beginning to wean his sedation but that will take a while since he has been on it so long. Our weekend nurse was just knocked out at the progress he had made. Today you could definitely tell the swelling is going down. He has little wrinkles on his hand where it was tight and ready to pop! We are so thrilled he is doing so well. The next hurdle will be can he do okay as they wean the steroid that has helped his progress. We praise God for all he is doing for Luke. He is mighty! He created a strong little boy to go through all Luke has and we know God is carrying him through all these struggles.

Psalm 106:1-2

"Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. his love endures forever. Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord or fully declare his praise?"

I am filled with such a feeling of excitement. Luke is still doing well. We know God has answered so many prayers. Even if Luke is not completely healed here on earth, God will have done great things. As I think back over all he has brought Luke through already, he has performed miracles. Our miracle for today is that Luke is still doing well on the new vent, having good blood gases and co2 levels that are within his limits. The fact that the nurse and I could move Luke (I finally got to pick him up in my own hands!) to change his bed and massage him, and he didn't de-sat. A couple weeks ago he could not have handled us handling him. All the infection God has brought him through is a miracle. The fact that he is still here after his kidneys weren't functioning is amazing. The confirmation he has given us when Eric and I are immediately in agreement is a blessing. The peace he has given is indescribable. I thank God for all the mighty acts he has already performed in Luke's life and continue to ask for healing from Jehovah Rophe, God our healer.

For most of this last year I have prayed that God would use us. I know he led Eric to go to Nigeria a year ago and gave him the desire to help provide water for the people there. I know he continually calls me to work with children at church, but I felt led to pray for direction for us as to where he wanted us to work next. He has definitely answered that with Luke. Whether it is for a short time or a lifetime, we will proclaim his power, his love and his miracles we have experienced and hope to experience to everyone. We pray people will come to know Jesus through our faith in God we feel led to share.


1 Peter 1:6-7 " In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. "

Doin' OK !

Luke is doing fine this evening on his new ventilator. The transition from one to the other went VERY smooth. His labs all seem to be good since he started on this new vent, so it seems to agree with him. We were thankful that all his nurses & his doctor worked so hard (the respiratory techs actually did the tough stuff today) in making the changeover. His swelling is not dramatically different, but both Susan & I think his face looks less swollen. From the neck down there is not much change that is visually perceptable. We had some tough decisions to make today that required prayer, Susan & I felt that the prayers were answered in a clear fashion just as we had prayed. Not all prayers are answered in the way that we want them, some appear never to be answered...at least in our human eyes, but if we look closely enough many are answered. God does not answer all of our prayers for good reason, sometimes we may ask for something that may not be good for us or may not be part of God's plan for us, I believe that in those cases prayers are not answered. God knows best...ALWAYS. We still trust him completely in Luke's life, as I have said to many folks, God created him perfectly. He may not seem perfect by many measures, but the only measure that counts is God's. We judge our lives through human eyes & see many flaws in them, what we need to see is God at work, no matter what the circumstance.

We were actually amazed to see his little chest "breathing" today. It is probably as exciting as watching grass grow for many of you, but in this case, for us it was a joy to see. There is a video below.

A friend forwarded us an amazing inspirational video today, we were moved by it & amazed at how small all of the "big" things in our lives seemed after viewing it. It is about a man with no arms or legs & how he praises God for making him the way he is. The link is www.wretch.cc/video/ritahsia&func=single&vid=2282608&o=time_&p=0

We will continue to face more challenges & trials with Luke as long as he is alive. We do look at them differently each time I think, we are more thankful after each roadblock that God is with us & see the miracle that he has blessed us with in Luke. We wouldn't change him a bit! We love you all for supporting us, each of you supports us in a unique & different way. God Bless You !!

THE PICTURE BELOW IS ACTUALLY A VIDEO, just click on it.

new vent...

Susan just called me and asked that I post a quick update. The doctors have successfully moved Luke to the other ventilator. Susan and Eric are up there watching Luke as he adapts to the new machine. I know they said they are blessed with a wonderful nurse and doctor to walk them through this transition.

Prayer Request

So far it seems the steroid is helping Luke. They were able to go down on the pressure on his ventilator lower than he has been in weeks and hope to get all the settings lower overnight. If that all goes the way the doctor wants it to he is going to try Luke on a conventional ventilator tomorrow. This will allow him to do some of the breathing and hopefully allow them to bring him off some of the sedation. This way he can move around more and maybe more of the swelling will come off. This all may or may not work and if it doesn't he said we could try again after a few more days of steroid treatment. His labs looked good again today and he is resting very well. He doesn't de-sat as much as he has been when he is messed with, even picked up. This is progress since a week or so ago they had to cancel his twice a day x-rays and go to once a day because he couldn't handle being picked up for the x-ray. We do see a little less swelling today so that was good. We are praying that the ventilator switch will work tomorrow. Please join us in praying for this as well as Luke's blood gases tonight, rest so his body is ready to breathe and make the switch and wisdom for the doctors. We ask God to bring healing to Luke's body.

I go back to one of my favorite verses as we make our requests known to God.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition make your requests known to God. And the peace which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

For your info. only !!

Just a quick note for everyone. You can zoom in on the pictures if you click on them (many people were not aware). There are videos from time to time as well, including one about 4-5 days ago that look like pictures as well, they have a little "play" button on them & must be clicked 2x.

New idea

Luke has remained about the same for a few days. Up a little then down a little. No huge changes. As I was driving to the hospital today I was just wondering how long this would go on. When I got there I was praying over Luke and just telling God I was in need of some change or an answer - just something. About twenty minutes later the doctor walked over and said he had been talking with a colleague about Luke. This was the same man he talked with a few weeks ago about Luke's kidneys. The man couldn't believe Luke was still here! After their discussion our doctor decided it would be good to try a steroid that had shown some improvements in premie lungs if we would agree to it. We decided it was definitely worth trying so Luke got his first dose today. He will get it for five days and if it is going to help him we should see some results quickly. I think it just helps to at least be trying something after so many days of up and down. They also think nutrition is very important and are upping Luke's feeds and adding calories. Luke's labs are getting better every day. His albumin is actually going up each day. We continue to rest in God's will for Luke's life. We just love him more every day we have with him and are thankful for each day. His little life continues to reach people - more every day. We are thankful God has allowed us to take this journey with Him as we know He is leading us, carrying us sometimes, giving us strength and teaching us patience.

Psalm 105:1-4 "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name, make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him, tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always."

Outstanding

Luke is very stable and has made little steps. He is down a few parts on his nitric oxide (they are trying to wean him off it 1 part every 8 hours). His labs were very good today. His ventilator settings are heading down with each blood gas (he was very high again Saturday). His swelling remains the same. At this point the doctors don't seem to give us much hope that it will come down after so much time. It seems we just come back to the fact that God is the only one who knows Luke and can heal him. We keep our eyes on God and know He holds each day.

We find so many blessings in the midst of our storm. It just seemed like every word at church today was a word we needed to hear. We are always so filled in worship and in the relationships we have at church. As always we are brought to tears many times. Today through a song sung by John Waller and dedicated to Luke today and always as we cry out to God on the altar and so many of you gather to pray with us. Our pastor spoke about outstanding prayers - prayers that haven't been answered yet. We are right there with Luke. God has answered many prayers daily and nightly as we pray over settings and blood gases and labs. We wait with our outstanding prayer for healing. He also talked about outstanding requests and being bold in what we ask for. We are boldly requesting healing for Luke. We trust God that however he chooses to answer that prayer it will be the best for all of us. We can't know the response yet, but know in God's time he will give us an outstanding response and we will praise him with outstanding follow-through. I love the words John sang today. This is where we are...

We need you
Yes we need you now
We're desperate for
Your presence, Lord
you are able and willing
and we know

You are the God
Who saves us
You are the God
Who heals us
You are the One
Who restores and delivers
God, you are able and more than willing
God, you are able and more... than willing

This song is new, but you can learn more about John and listen to his music on his site.

http://www.johnwallermusic.com/

One step forward two steps back

Eric and I decided a few days ago just not to watch Luke's ventilator settings because they change so often. You get a little excited about a decrease only to have an increase with the next blood gas. Luke has been trending down with his amp settings on his ventilator for the last couple days and this afternoon and tonight has gone back up. Not as high as a few days ago, but higher than yesterday! Otherwise he is pretty stable. His kidneys are still functioning well and his labs look good. We don't see much visual improvement on the swelling, but keep watching. He has been very comfortable today and not needed much extra sedation (he is on a lot already, they just use some extra drugs when he needs them!) We continue to pray for healing and whatever is God's will.

Today I was able to talk to a few nurses about all the people who were praying for Luke and how I believed God had brought him through so many of the days when the doctors thought he might not make it. A lot of them seem so open to talking about God and how he works in these babies lives in the NICU. One respiratory therapist, who I like to talk to, was telling me today about her 18 month-old niece who was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor a couple weeks ago and is not doing too well after surgery. Then I met a mom who was bringing her 5 month old to visit his twin brother who was still in the NICU. It made me realize how many other stories there are out there that are just as hard to handle as what we are going through. We all face trials in our lives. Some are big ones and some are small. As Christians we are not promised an easy life and one free of struggles. Isn't it wonderful that God gave us his word in the Bible to turn to in these trials and know that he himself is with us each step of the way and will make us stronger followers of him and closer in relationship with him through these trials. It makes them so much easier to face even when we don't know the outcome - we know who will bring us through trial and be with us still after it's over.

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I think Luke is making progress. He definitely was not more swollen today and certain parts of him looked less swollen. The doctor said he didn't want to get my hopes up too soon, but he thought it looked like this swelling might be turning around. They are going to be able to give Luke lasix once a day as long as his labs stay good. Tonight he had the biggest response in a long time with a huge diaper. We are just praying for the fluid to keep coming off. He is still eating jsut a little, but still doing well with that. Overall he had a good day today and a good night last night. God is so good to answer our prayers for each day. We come to him with so many little requests that seem so big to us and he hears each one and cares about every little happening in our lives. Thank you for praying for Luke and for us. We are truly blessed by so all of you and strengthened by your prayers.

Children

Luke had a down up day. He started off on very high ventilator settings and is ending them at much lower settings. He seems to have bad nights so I just told the nurse who is on tonight that the kids and I prayed for Luke, the nurse and his night tonight. She laughed and said so far it was good! It was a rough day emotionally with our doctor getting some news from another doctor that we were ready to stop treatment on Luke. I thought he was coming to tell me he was dying so it was a roller coaster morning. I just told him I pray we never have to make that decision - that God will make it for us. That is a prayer concern that God will just reveal his will and direction very clearly to us. Luke remains stable in his very sick condition. His labs were okay today and he is oxygenating well, he just remains on a lot of ventilator support. I didn't see much change today in the swelling. We'll just keep praying.

I love children of any age. I teach a 3 year-old choir at church on Wednesday nights and tonight as I sat singing with them I just smiled at their sweet little voices singing praise to God. They just sing (shout) with all their might about "all things, everything, absolutely anything, God can do anything." I think how God must smile to hear them sing. I pray that each on of them will grow up learning and experiencing the absolute power of God. It seems like I hear so many stories about how children are following the blog and praying for Luke. We are so touched to hear the stories. God cares so much for children and I know loves their prayers.

Psalm 8:2 "From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise."

Matthew 19:14 "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Mountain Mover

Luke is still doing okay. His labs are still good. His CRP has dropped again so the antibiotics are working. We think the swelling is continuing to go down very slowly but we see it. He is doing well with his little bit of feeding. He is still having good diapers. His vent settings continue to be up and down so we don't really watch them very closely at this time.

I was filled today with the overwhelming power of God. He created this whole world, each and every one of us down to each little detail. He made the human body so intricate that science can't explain the way it works sometimes. God has the power to heal anything, whether here on earth or in heaven. God can lift us out of the deepest, darkest valley if we only trust in him. He just asks us to place our faith in him. I like the words to this song on a CD a friend shared with me.

"My God is a mountain mover, my Gods gonna make a way. Can't count all the times he's proven, we can trust him just have faith. Take a hopeless situation, watch him turn it all around. Nothing is impossible. Can't hold back I've got to shout - my God is a mountain mover."

Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy, and I will give thanks to him in song."

Wine not Whine

I admit I did a little whining today. I just wish God could give us a glimpse into the near future so we could see God's plan for Luke. I am thrilled with the progress he is making, it just seems slow sometimes and we wish we could just make things go quicker. It seems God just gives me answers and assurance. Today it was in a devotional book. "... to those who have no might He increases strength. Isaiah 40:29 God comes and takes us out of our emotionalism, and then our complaining turns into a hymn of praise. The only way to know the strength of God is to take the yoke of Jesus upon us and to learn from Him...The burden that God places on us squeezes the grapes in our lives and produces the wine. If your life is producing only a whine, instead of the wine, then ruthlessly kick it out." I will concentrate on the wine God is producing in my life in this burden of the unknown. God continually gives all of us the strength to face every day no matter what the burden because He will lighten our load when we "cast our burdens on the Lord..." Psalm 55:22 I am so thankful we have a God who cares about each little thing we are going through on this earth and walks with us through each one.

Luke had a very stable day today with not many changes other than the doctor began feeding him again. They start out slowly but usually Luke does well with that - he must have that eating gene from me! He is still having good diapers and the swelling is still just a tiny bit better. I know it will be a slow process for it to come off.

Progress!!!

Today at the hospital with Luke we could finally see progress with the swelling going down! It is slight progress but we are on the right track. His head is now cushy instead of tight with fluid and you can now move the skin on his hand instead of it looking like it will explode. The doctor is very happy with his direction and said he may begin to feed him again if everything looks as good tomorrow. Today the nephrologist told our nurse he didn't think Luke would still be here today. It really hits home how sick he is and has been. We are so thankful God has brought him this far. The only culture that has grown is in the ET tube which is showing staph. He is being covered by antibiotics and his CRP is heading down. It was such an exhilarating feeling to have good news today, especially after we started the day in the ER with Hogan getting a stitch over his eye where he hit his head when he fell out of bed in the night! We are really just trying to hit every hospital in town. He is fine but gave Eric a scare when he passed out during the stitch.

We felt so good to be in church today with so many of you who are praying with us. We will never be able to express our thanks enough or to all of you who are standing with us, but know we are being blessed by God's love shown through you. As we prayed at the altar today the congregation was singing one of my favorite Brooklyn Tabernacle songs.

"For you, Oh Lord, are my strength, my shield, my glory and the lifter of my head. "

God is our strength and our shield and our glory. He lifts us up from the things of this world to keep our focus on Him and the work he is doing.