I am not one to make big changes quickly. Even though I like to be spontaneous in the day-to-day, I like to think things over for a while...like moving to Georgia. Eric likes to tell that I came down I-70 making fingernail marks as I held on to the highway, but I now call Georgia home. We don't have family here but God has provided us with His family in our Christian friends here. Having Luke was a big change I had to think over a while. I was okay with two children but when we got pregnant I had to get my mind around three. I was so ready for our family to grow and ready to love a new little baby. I now have to get my mind back around our family of four. We were five for such a brief moment in time - but I was ready for that. We all work not to forget Luke. Hogan put a picture of him on my phone today so I won't forget him. I continue to walk back through each of his days as I imprint each moment into my mind. God continues to bless us each day some with laughter, some with tears, some with questions but mostly with assurance. How could we live without God's assurance that He is with us each step of the way. In Utmost for His Highest it says, "When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be nonexistent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'I will never...forsake you.'" No matter what God is with us and carrying us. I was recently talking with a friend walking through a very difficult time and we talked about how when we know "we can't do it" God always brings us through with strength and peace for every moment.
Today is one month without Luke on this earth. It has been a month of change. Death, a funeral, going back to a "normal" life, school ending, travel, a haircut (I had a big haircut this week). My hairdresser was hesitant to do such a drastic cut - too much change at once, but I laughed and said let's just do it! Change can seem hard but usually ends up good and it has been especially good for Luke because he no longer is confined to his struggles here on earth.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."
6 comments:
Susan, you have such wisdom. I've always thought of you as such a dear, sweet person but now I will also think of you as a young woman of wisdom. I love what you wrote today. At some point I pray you will feel called to write a book. It would be so helpful to those who struggle through a painful passage. It would be a gift of hope. Love, Cynthia
I love all of what you said and I shouted amen a couple of times. I have never lost a child but I see the pain in Elwyn's eyes and face when those birthdays and anniversary of Rex's death come around. I could relate though when you talked about trials we face as I truly believe it makes us stronger and closer to God. I want some of your strength as I look up to you as being a vessel of God. Hang in there. love gloria
Susan-
You are like steel!! You are so strong yet can struggle and break. Your faith is so very inspiring, the message just flows from you. I know today was hard I hope you found so peace. Know how much I love all of you.
All my love,
Christie
ok. i laughed a little thinking to myself, "you...you, who on a whim, would be anywhere, anytime with a bag packed and really cute shoes on..." have to get used to change?
but i get it, living a changed life can't be easy. you always bring the laughter with you but this is a hard to carry. we talk about luke a lot here too.
and, in case anyone wants to know...your hair looks GREAT!
http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2008/06/deep-grief.html
This was a devotion that I read yesterday. You have been on my mind and I felt I had to share this with you. I hope that you find encouragement in it. I can't imagine but I think you are unbelievable strong. I beleive it only comes from you deep seeded faith in God. Please, know I still think of you and your family often and I still pray for you as well. As I can imagine this will be a long jorney for your family. Our God is good and faithful.
Dear Precious Sister in Christ,
I love you and so does Jesus. You have so, so much faith in Him. He said we would have trials and very hard times, and some worst than others. What you and your family have been going through and continue to go through, makes us all cry and feel empathetic. We will continue to cry with you, and pray for you. You and your family are still in my daily walk with Jesus. I still am lifting you up to Him, who always understands and has a reason for everything. When we don't understand, he does.
You will never forget his face, the softness of his skin, or your love you have in your heart for him. Much like Jesus' love for you, because even in your loss and grief, you still look up to heaven and praise His holy name, Jesus Christ. You won't know the purpose until you speak with Jesus in heaven, but until that day, He will hold you, never forsake you, or never tell you to stop talking to Him about it. He says, come to me like little children, and I will give you rest. Maria Chapman age 5 yrs died about the same time. An adopted daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman, she was one of 3 who he and his wife adopted from China, a huge volunteer project he started, his teenager accidently ran over her. I think of his family mourning her death, much like yours. I wonder if Maria is holding Baby Luke in heaven. It seems comforting to me. I have loved reading your words, because we never stop missing our baby brothers. My 3 year old brother Benji has been in heaven with Jesus for 36 years, this month. "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27
Love and hugs,
TeresaRN
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