I sit crying at my computer as I read other mom's blogs and watch video after video of babies who had such short little lives. I just emailed my sister-in-law that I feel like I have joined a new club. There seem to be so many of us out there who have lost a baby. Isn't is wonderful that we can share the pain and know there are people out there who know exactly how we feel. I looked back through Luke's pictures tonight and just thought "how sick he was". When I was concentrating on each day and the struggles each day brought it was hard to see the whole picture. As Eric has said, Luke seemed imperfect in this world but God created him perfect. That is how he is now in heaven. God who creates also provides. He provides laughter in the midst of sadness and joy in my tears. I know he has linked me to other stories to help me grieve and experience the comfort others in the same situation. I like this poem a friend shared with me the other day.
"A Pair of Shoes"
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
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4 comments:
What a powerful poem. You are so sweet and dear. I wish I could take your hurt away. Much love, Cynthia
leave it up to you to bring it all back to a pair of shoes....
:) we can't wait to see you.
I believe that when faced with a crisis some women go on automatic pilot and are strong, efficient, and productive. They face the challenge and do what needs to be done, making hard decisions and protecting their family. There is no question that you can be super human. Later you experience the emotions that you could not indulge in when in the middle of the storm. I have no idea all that you must be feeling, but I do know that losing a child is every parent’s nightmare. I want you to know that you are not alone. You know that God is with you, but please know that I and many others think and pray for you daily. May peace be with you and your family.
i'm so sorry you were thrust into a new club that you never signed up for. i cannot imagine your pain, but i lift you and your family up in prayer many times each day, knowing God understands your pain and can bring healing and comfort and peace. i, like many others, wish we could bear some of this for you. i don't know that it is possible except through prayer and to always remember how special Luke's life was and to never forget what we learned through your journey.
blessings and peace,
bronie
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