Hungry

A couple of days ago I took Sydney to my brother's house so she could be with her "twin". That is what she and Sarah are calling themselves lately. (They couldn't look more different so it is really cute!) Of course I was hungry for our ususal - SATCO - San Antonio Taco Co. So after a huge healthy lunch of wings and chips-n-cheese I headed back to Atlanta. As I sat down on the plane I realized I was still hungry not for food but for God's word. I opened to Revelation as I wanted to read a little about heaven. Even though I didn't understand a lot of the things I read it was comforting and there in the midst more reassurance that God made Luke just like He wanted. Revelation 4:11 " You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." As I know I will for a while I continue to go back over each day of his life and each little part of him. I loved him so much and miss him so much even though it was a tough life for all of us, especially him. God is providing healing tears and so much support from friends.

Faith

I talked with some friends last week about how at night my mind wanders back over all Luke went through and the decisions we made and was it all right. We all agreed that when we are finally quiet and trying to go to sleep is the time we are attacked the most. I have been able to get through each night with tears, but turning it all over to God. I have to go back through His perfect plan. He chose the exact number of days Luke was to be here on this earth and we had nothing to do with that. I am finding more peace as I sleep. I have faith that God led us through Luke's life exactly the way he had planned and He will lead us through his death with His comfort and peace. I am reading a book on grieving that my brother brought me written by his friends David and Nancy Guthrie. I really like what they say on faith. "This is what real faith is - a gift of God that enables you to keep loving and following him even when His plan is not yours, even when death has taken away the one you love. God promises that His gift of grace will be enough."

Hebrews 11:1 " Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

New Club

I sit crying at my computer as I read other mom's blogs and watch video after video of babies who had such short little lives. I just emailed my sister-in-law that I feel like I have joined a new club. There seem to be so many of us out there who have lost a baby. Isn't is wonderful that we can share the pain and know there are people out there who know exactly how we feel. I looked back through Luke's pictures tonight and just thought "how sick he was". When I was concentrating on each day and the struggles each day brought it was hard to see the whole picture. As Eric has said, Luke seemed imperfect in this world but God created him perfect. That is how he is now in heaven. God who creates also provides. He provides laughter in the midst of sadness and joy in my tears. I know he has linked me to other stories to help me grieve and experience the comfort others in the same situation. I like this poem a friend shared with me the other day.

"A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author unknown

I was sailing along for a few days wondering if I was all right because I didn't feel like I was grieving then there it came again - the tears right at the surface, the overwhelming sadness, the hole that is left wanting to be filled with a baby, my baby. In the midst of all these feelings I do still find peace that God is good and he is with me still. I know God has taught me many things through this journey. One thing I know is he has taught me once again total surrender. I tend to be an "I can do it" person. According to my mom that has been my personality sinceI was little! With Luke there was nothing I could do but turn the whole situation over to God. I would always try to take it back only to have him remind me I could not do it myself. I know with my grief I will also have to just turn it over to God who will comfort me and remind me that my sweet little baby who had so many tubes and medications is free from all that and enjoying his heavenly home. That in itself brings comfort to know he is not suffering anymore.

I have put in the program from Luke's service because I love our favorite picture in black and white.

email

I thought I would post my email so you could email me if you want. I would love to keep up with you personally. You can reach me at seheim@bellsouth.net.

So Short.

I read back through all our entries in the blog tonight and am shocked to feel (from reading) how quickly Luke's life went. When I was living all this it seemed unending. I so badly wanted to know where we were heading when we were going through all this and now am so thankful God didn't show me. We were able to live each day to the fullest whether good or bad with Luke. We truly just took it one day at a time. I'm glad it seemed long to us because we were only going to have Luke here for a short time. I am doing okay with my grieving. I miss that sweet little boy I knew here on earth, but am so thrilled for him that he is free from the struggles of this world. I know there will still be tears in fact they are usually right there at the surface but I do feel the peace of God which does surpass ALL understanding. I have the hope that I will be with Luke again and the knowledge that God has orchestrated his whole little short life.

Lamentations 3:22 "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness."

Our family has been out of town for a few days. It has been a good time to re-connect, reflect and rest. Sunday was a really hard day. Most everyone had left and the loss of Luke was really heavy on me. I have had a routine for the last 11 weeks. I would get my kids off to school and then head right to the hospital. I would stay with Luke until late afternoon then go home to eat dinner with our family and be with Hogan and Sydney for the evening. On Sundays we would go to church then head up to the hospital. This last Sunday was the first break from that routine and it really hit me he is gone. Tears help and heal and I know God brings comfort. As a friend reminded us, Jesus wept. He felt grief just as we do so we will cry when we need to and hold on to the memory of Luke.

Celebration

We were just overwhelmed by the outpouring of love from so many people these past few days. So many of you came Thursday night to share our tears and many more on Friday to celebrate Luke's life. I will never forget the endless line of people behind us as we walked across the street to the cemetary. God filled us with peace that truly passes all understanding Friday as we said good-bye to the little body we knew here on earth. I felt God give me a glimpse of Luke in heaven and the excitement he will feel to show us his heavenly home someday. I shed many tears but had much laughter with our family who came to cry with us, laugh with us, help and comfort us. We will never be able to thank everyone enough. I hope someday to be able to give back to you a little of what has been given to us.

I have been so attached to this blog and look forward to your comments. I may have to blog more from time to time. It may help me feel closer to Luke. Please continue to share his story. We know his life had a purpose here on earth and his purpose has been fulfilled. I pray his life will continue reflect God's goodness and love.

Luke's Service

We will have a visitation tomorrow night (Thursday) from 6-8 p.m. at Mowell's Funeral Home in Fayetteville. Friday at 2 p.m. we will have a service at New Hope Baptist Church in Fayetteville. Luke will be buried across from the church in the New Hope cemetary.

From Sydney

The thing we have left here on earth of Luke is his pictures and his love. All the rest of his body is in heaven with God. Hogan and I got to keep his little hospital bands and we got his little footprints and we got to keep his blankets. Mommy almost wrapped Luke up in the one I got and I really love that blanket. This is my first time writing on the blog but my Mom is actually typing it because it would take a long time for me to do it. I have love for all of you and you have done a lot for my family and that's nice. you all are a blessing to our family.
my favorite verse is proverbs 3:5/6 trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. you all have been really really really really nice. I dont know how to explain how nice you all have been.

Thanks

We thank God for the blessing he has given us in Luke and his journey through his short life. We loved him so much and are thankful he is free from his struggle to breathe, the many tubes, the pain and swelling. We know he is free and healthy in heaven with our Heavenly Father, who created him so special. Yesterday may have been the hardest day of my life, and one I would never trade. I was filled with God's peace and re-assurance that Luke's life would be in heaven. He answered every one of our prayers. He is so good. He allowed me every thing I needed for closure. I even got to bathe him and dress him, something I really wanted to do. I am thankful the nurses have let me be very "hands-on" these last 11 weeks. We are all filled with sadness and many tears but joyful in Luke's victory over this life.

I can't begin to thank every one of you who have followed Luke's story. Your encouragement, love and prayers have been so uplifting to me. God blessed us with you and your words. So many of you we don't even know. I hope someday to meet some of you. (Jane, I will be coming to TX!) We started this blog to share information on Luke but it ended up a wonderful blessing for us in such a hard time. Friends have cared for us so much. We have had food now for 11 weeks. It was so wonderful to come home from a long day at the hospital and not have to plan dinner. Sometimes my mind just couldn't think that much. We have had monetary help with gas - it was an 80 mile round trip each day to the hospital. We have had so many encouraging cards. We have had help from our wonderful parents. God has provided in every way through our wonderful Christian family. We thank every one of you. I am sorry I have been lax in my thank you not writing. I am not a list maker and have lost track of who I have thanked. If you get two - sorry!

As Hogan says - to sum it all up, I am feeling very thankful for each of of you, to God for the blessing of Luke, his answers to our prayers, and his goodness in giving us this wonderful experience.

Psalm 9:1-2 "I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders. I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

Alot of fight in him.

Our little Luke fought longer than ANY of his doctors could believe. They did everything HUMANLY possible to help him but in the end only God could heal him. God made him like he was for his purpose & we wouldn't change a thing if we had to do this all over again. We will have more details on the service coming soon, the intent is to have a service @ Moel's in Fayetteville on Thursday night & his funeral at our church, New Hope Baptist Church on Friday sometime. Susan & I request that instead of flowers that if you feel led to send something, to please donate to the children's ministry at New Hope or to our Nigerian Mission Project which provides medical care & water to our friends in Nigeria, just designate one or the other. You can send a check payable to New Hope Baptist Church the website is www.newhopebc.org & the address is 551 New Hope Rd. Fayetteville, Ga. 30214 & just put a note in the memo. You all have helped carry us through this tough time with your kind words & prayers. We will have more updates to follow on the service times as we can. Love you all....Eric.

There is only one way to heaven & that is through Jesus Christ, Luke will be waiting for us when we get there one day. We find great hope that we will be with him then & that he will be running in Heaven (and breathing). We hope to see all of you there one day as well.

John 3:16 For God so love the world that he gave his only begotten son, so those that believe in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.

Luke was healed today

God choose to heal Luke today and he is now with Him in heaven - whole and healthy and breathing freely. We praise God for His goodness and mercy. We will post more later.

New Typer

Hi. I am Luke's big brother, Hogan. My mom said I can type the blog tonight. Luke didn't have a good day today. His vent settings went back to where we started last week: high. His co2 remains high. His oxygen was at 100% to keep him oxygenating well. One good thing is his chest x-ray looked better today. My nana & papa came in today. They are going to let my grandma go home. She has been here since the day Luke was born. She has helped in so many ways I can't tell you. Here is some info about me. I am in 4th grade and I'm 10. I am a black belt in karate. Today was the county math bowl. I didn't win. I have a dog named Sugar. She is a yellow lab. She is 1 year old. She is HUGE for a puppy. I'm going to sum this up. Luke needs a lot of prayer to help him through this battle. I am baptized and believe in the Lord. If you don't believe in the Lord I suggest you try going to church and see how graceful and beautiful being a member of the Lord's family is. I am not afraid of dying because I know I am going to Heaven. Pray for Luke!

Amazing God

Luke was down to 3.96 kilos today. He didn't look much less swollen but evidently is still losing fluid. He still has a lot to lose. Today the prayer request is for his lungs. He had some collapsing on the lower right lobe. This is not new. It just seems to shift around. Some days the lungs are fully inflated and some days there is atelectisis (collapsing). It was sounding a little better by the time we left today. Although his lungs never sound very good. His co2 was better today. Thanks for the prayers. He is still in such a better place than a couple weeks ago. We just need to continue to make progress. My favorite place is still sitting next to him holding his hand

We sang a song in church today that really hit me - "Indescribable". When I think back on all he has brought Luke through and all the ways he is working in other peoples lives all over the world I am unable to imagine that kind of power. It is indescribable. It hit me the other day that is was soon after the doctor had told us that after this long most likely the swelling wouldn't come off Luke - he began to lose the swelling. It was like God answered our prayers after it would be evident it was only his power of healing that would bring it off. We are awestruck at how he continues to work in Luke's life and touch others through this little boy. We serve such an amazing God. He created this whole earth and each one of us in his image so we can love him, accept him and live with him forever. He knows each one of us by name and cares about every part of our lives. You are amazing God!

Indescribable, uncontainable,You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name You are amazing God

All powerful, untamable, Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim

You are amazing God, You are amazing God

Bump in the road!

After eight days of steady progress we hit a bump in the road. Last night and today Luke's co2 level has been up. It is down a little tonight but still not as low as I would like to see. You can pray with me that it will come down and level out at a lower level. He is eating about half what he was when he came to Scottish Rite. I think this is the highest he has gotten since then on his feedings. He still looks so good. Our weekend nurse could really tell a difference today in his swelling. I think at the peak of his swelling he was about 6.5 kilos and he is down to 4.6 as of last night. I tell him he is my incredible shrinking little man!

Laminin

Here is a link mentioned in our comments from yesterday. It is a real blessing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e4zgJXPpI4

Slow and Steady

Those were the words used by the nurse tonight. That is the kind of progress we have been making for a week now. I think this is the most days in a row Luke has had where he is progressively getting better. We rejoice in each setting that changes and over every part of him that looks less swollen. God is so powerful and good and he is showing us he can do mighty things with Luke. It is so fun for nurses who haven't seen him in a week or so to come by. They are shocked to see the change in him. We are so thankful for your prayers.

I find it hard to write tonight as some friends of ours got some not so good news today. As I cried with my eyes and cried out to God some verses in Joshua came to my mind.

Joshua 1:5 "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

How comforting to know God is with us no matter what we are going through. All we have to do is believe in him and ask him to forgive us. He will come into our hearts and he will never leave us. I know he has been right with us and also with Luke. We have felt the Holy Spirit comfort us in all our ups and downs. I know he rejoices with us in Luke's progress and he has carried us through our tears.