Plugged In

There's an outlet in my bathroom at my Mom's house that when I plug in my hair straightener and try to use it, the plug always falls out. The connection is just loose from years of plugging things in and pulling plugs out. It is really frustrating when you want to keep your appliance plugged in and it keeps falling out. I was just sitting here listening to Mercy Me and thinking about God in that way. No matter how hard I try to stay "plugged in" sometimes I just get "pulled out" by life. I guess that is just a daily struggle in the world we live in (at least in mine!). I want my plug to stay in tight so that I am constantly plugged in to God. I pray often that he will fill me with such a desire for him that the earthly pulls can't make my connection loose. I am thankful that God desires a relationship with us and keeps pulling us back in when we fall out. He is just like that electricity - always on - just waiting for us to plug into him so he can fill us with his strength, spirit, power and love.

Ephesians 3:16-18 "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in you inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."

Thirsty?

I can remember the two best Diet Cokes I have ever had. You may think this is weird, but if you know me I always have a drink near me. Usually Diet Coke, water or tea. My first (best) DC was in New York City after a LONG day of walking and sightseeing. I remember how thirsty I was as we walked into the hotel and how good that DC was. My second (best) DC was at the end of the second day of the Susan G. Komen 3-day 60 mile walk for breast cancer. My friends and I walked up a hill at the end the 23rd mile of the day and there at the top was a Quick Trip. Of course we detoured in for a much needed DC to quench our thirst. In a recent sermon the pastor talked about Matthew 5:13 where Jesus tells us we are the salt of the earth. The pastor talked about how salt made us feel - thirsty. (I know because Mexican food is salty and I always need more DC) He shared how we should make people thirsty for God if we are truly being the salt of the earth. Our very lives should make people thirsty so we can share how God can quench that thirst over and over again no matter how thirsty we get. He satisfies our thirst more than anything here on earth can. He is our living water. I want to be thirsty for God and I want to make others thirsty for more than Diet Coke!

I'm back...

Sorry it has been so long. I've let life get me too busy and we were gone a week on vacation! We have had a few monumental things happen. Hogan got all his hair cut off and Sydney has lost both her front teeth. Both of them look so different now! We had a great time as a family in Orlando. We did one day at Magic Kingdom, one day at Wet and Wild (where I screamed on most rides - they were crazy, scary slides!) and one day at the Nick Hotel (seriously overpriced room, but well worth watching the kids have so much fun. We even got slimed.) It was good to get away. I have also been able to get together with Luke's nurse from Scottish-Rite. It was really good to connect with her again, I enjoy her friendship. She was our weekend nurse and we became really close talking each Saturday and Sunday. I thank God that he gave me two friends in the nurses who took care of Luke. It is good to be able to talk to them since they knew Luke.

While in Tampa we went to church with Eric's sister. I loved their church and their pastor(http://www.idlewild.org/). He used a verse I loved. Micah 6:8 " And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." He talked about living compartmentalized lives - do we do or act certain ways around certain people or are we an open book, living for Jesus everday in all we do? Do we wear masks everyday and not just at Halloween? Does what we do on Friday match what we do on Sunday? God requires so little of us yet it can seem monumental in this earthly world. He just wants us to walk humbly with him. The pastor defined humbly or humility as total dependence on God. Walking with God through the big and the small in life, the good and the bad, the mountains and the valleys. We may not live perfect lives, but as believers we are forgiven in our walk with our God.

Broken

Well, I did it tonight. I broke my bowl. This idea all began from a blog I follow of another mother who lost a baby. Back in May my brother's family was here and I was reading the blog on my computer one night with Kirsten. This girl told how she had read in a grief book that it would be good therapy to break a piece of pottery. She felt led to break a pitcher one night and God really touched her as she put it back together... Of course, within the week my sister (in-law) Kirsten had bought me a bowl to break when I was ready, but I wasn't ready. I put it on the fridge in the laundry room and have looked at it often, but haven't felt the need to break it. Tonight I was overwhelmed as I lay sleepless in bed, praying, that I had to get up and break the bowl. With many tears, I sat outside and held the bowl for a long time. It was really pretty. It felt good to hold it whole, but I knew I needed to break it. Memories of Luke played in my head. I thanked God for his life and the journey we have gone through. Joy, tears, trust, faith, total surrender. I felt God saying "I need all of you - broken" - I thought of Jesus and how he gave his body to be broken on the cross for all of us - it was then that I could break the bowl. (Of course it didn't break when I threw it down and it made a really loud noise at 1a.m. so I went into the shop and used a hammer. Doesn't God always bring a smile in the midst of tears!) I picked up the pieces and carefully carried them inside. I began to glue them back together thinking of how God puts us back together. We may still bear the scars from our brokeness but we can be whole again. I love my bowl even more now. I know it is in the brokeness that God can flow through us and use us for His purpose. My bowl sits in my china cabinet now so I can see it daily and thank God for using us, taking care of us and most of all for loving us.

Psalm 147 :1-5 "Praise the Lord. How good to sing praises to our God! How delightful and how fitting...He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!"

I like to eat...

I called my brother Rob, this week to see what to order at the Thai restaurant I was going to. A lot of our conversations revolve around food and cooking. We both love to eat and experiment. My dad and I loved to talk about food too and now I find myself talking about what I have cooked with his brother Jerry whenever I call him. As I thought about how important food is to me - it made me think of God in the same way. Do I hunger for God? Do I crave God like I crave Mexican food and chocolate? I have found this year that the closer I get to God the more I hunger for him and desire fellowship with him. I find myself going to him many times a day and he can satisfy me much more than chips-n-salsa can!!! I live to eat and I want to live for God!

"Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled."

Matthew 5:6

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast.I will praise you with songs of joy." Psalm 63:5

Prayer

I find myself so much more dedicated to prayer since my time with Luke. I tend to have an on-going conversation with God a lot of days. A lot of the time it is because there are so many people I feel led to pray for. I also take the words "I'll pray for you" so much more to heart as I know the power of prayer when you are in a difficult situation. I am so thankful to have a God who cares to listen to our desires, needs, concerns and wants. This morning in Bible study the lady spoke of relationship not religion. Relationship is what we will have when we constantly converse with God and also take time to listen to him. I am trying hard to listen to him on the desire for a baby. We are all left with a desire for another baby but can't have any more of our own. We haven't yet felt led to any certain adoption agency. We did feel led in July to write a letter to a birthmother in the area who was looking for a family for her baby. She chose another family which we know was God's will. (We had been praying whatever was God's will in this situation.) We are still open for whatever God has in store for us whether it is to give us the closure that we will just be a family of four here on earth or open a door for a baby for us. We are just praying and listening.

Here is a picture of Hogan Sydney and me at the wedding in KC. Hogan was not thrilled to wear a tux, but Sydney was more than thrilled with her dress! It was on her birthday and made for a great party. She caught the bouquet and danced the entire night. Hogan was just happy playing Sydney's new Nintendo DS! It was really fun to be at a wedding and not a funeral! Our family has had too many of those this past year.

Dependence

"Are we living at such a level of human dependence on Jesus Christ that His life is being exhibited moment by moment in us?"

That question really stuck with me tonight as I read "Utmost for His Highest". I was talking this week with my friend about depending on God and how easy it is in situations of great need. How comforting it is to know God is there, supporting us and caring for us. That he just draws us so close in difficult times that we hunger for him. I think the farther we get away from these times the easier it is to depend less on God. I am trying to continue to depend on God with all my life (though it does get difficult when playing referee with my kids. I know I don't always glorify God in these times, but I guess that is the human side of me!) and hunger for him as much as I did when walking through Luke's life. We just don't know who is watching us and who might see Jesus in us in our every day activities. I know God uses us through our times of crisis. Even when we are hurting we can be a witness to others. My friend is already hearing of how others see her faith as she depends on God while she takes care of her husband with cancer. It felt so good to us to hear the stories of people who were touched through Luke's life. Those times are easy for me - I want to hunger and depend on God in the every day, moment to moment stuff. That's my goal this year.

We celebrated Hogan's 11th birthday this week with a sleepover/swimming/campout party. There were six boys who went from riding ATVs to driving the golfcart to swimming then back to ATVs...all night long! Finally when it was time to campout in the tent they lasted about 45 minutes and came in because they were too hot! At least they had fun! Next week we will celebrate Sydney's 7th birthday. Her party will have to wait a week because all the kids (Caleb, Sarah, Ben, Hogan and Sydney) will be in a wedding in KC on her birthday! I'm sure Kirsten will get some great pictures. Who needs to carry a camera when you have a sister-in-law with camera and video ready to shoot!