Well, I did it tonight. I broke my bowl. This idea all began from a blog I follow of another mother who lost a baby. Back in May my brother's family was here and I was reading the blog on my computer one night with Kirsten. This girl told how she had read in a grief book that it would be good therapy to break a piece of pottery. She felt led to break a pitcher one night and God really touched her as she put it back together... Of course, within the week my sister (in-law) Kirsten had bought me a bowl to break when I was ready, but I wasn't ready. I put it on the fridge in the laundry room and have looked at it often, but haven't felt the need to break it. Tonight I was overwhelmed as I lay sleepless in bed, praying, that I had to get up and break the bowl. With many tears, I sat outside and held the bowl for a long time. It was really pretty. It felt good to hold it whole, but I knew I needed to break it. Memories of Luke played in my head. I thanked God for his life and the journey we have gone through. Joy, tears, trust, faith, total surrender. I felt God saying "I need all of you - broken" - I thought of Jesus and how he gave his body to be broken on the cross for all of us - it was then that I could break the bowl. (Of course it didn't break when I threw it down and it made a really loud noise at 1a.m. so I went into the shop and used a hammer. Doesn't God always bring a smile in the midst of tears!) I picked up the pieces and carefully carried them inside. I began to glue them back together thinking of how God puts us back together. We may still bear the scars from our brokeness but we can be whole again. I love my bowl even more now. I know it is in the brokeness that God can flow through us and use us for His purpose. My bowl sits in my china cabinet now so I can see it daily and thank God for using us, taking care of us and most of all for loving us.
Psalm 147 :1-5 "Praise the Lord. How good to sing praises to our God! How delightful and how fitting...He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!"
