Tears of Joy

I have to thank my brother Rob and sister-in-law Kirsten for the beautiful video of Luke's life. They are such wonderfully talented people as well as tremendous supports for all of us.

I too watched the beautiful video of Luke with tears streaming down my face - tears of joy for the beautiful little boy God entrusted to us for a short time. As I was crying and watching Sydney said, "You know he is in a better place, Mommy". I think that is where we all are. We miss Luke but know he is in a much better way and place. Tonight as we were going to bed Sydney said," I just wish Luke could have stayed here. I really wanted a baby in our own family to take care of." We talked some more about God's plans and how this one would have to remain God's plan as we can't have any more children of our own. I know this is all difficult for a six-year-old to understand, good thing ours is six going on 16! We do all love babies and had so much fun holding my cousin's baby Cooper last week in Kansas City. He is a darling eight-month old chunk! I think the mothering nature is like that of a shepherd. In a devotional book I was reading by Max Lucado he talks about "God ... the waiting Father, the caring Shepherd in search of his lamb. His legs are scratched, his feet are sore and his eyes are burning. He scales the cliffs and traverses the fields. He explores the caves. He cups his hands to his mouth and calls into the canyon. And the name he call is yours... The message is simple: God gave up his Son in order to rescue all his sons and daughters." What a picture of God searching for each one of us to be his children. It is so important to know him and listen to his voice.
I pray for God to continue using us as a family, I pray we will be still and listen to his voice, I pray God will continue growing our faith and keep us close beside him - our Shepherd.

remembering Luke

Blessed Assurance

"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine, Oh what a foretaste of Glory divine." I have been blessed with assurance this week from God and a glimpse of Glory. As always I tend to "think" about life and Luke more on Sundays and last Sunday I was really struggling with Luke's life and death. I didn't feel well Sunday night and went to bed early (way before midnight! - early for me) but ended up being up off and on all night. I did a lot of praying that God would take this struggle from me with all the "what-ifs" going through my mind. Sometime in the night I had a very vivid image of my dad, who died nine years ago, holding Luke - a healthy Luke. He was standing with both of my grandmothers and Eric's grandfather, all whom have died in the last year. It was a very comforting image. I also relived each of the dreams I had while Luke was alive. In each of the dreams Luke was laughing and pulling his breathing tube out and getting away from me like it was a game. I woke up Monday feeling quite a weight lifted from me. I felt the complete assurance that Luke was okay and where he was supposed to be from the beginning. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Luke came for a purpose and God has shown me Luke has received his reward in heaven. I have been filled with a peace this week that only God can give.

Peace was good to have this week since it was Vacation Bible School week. It was such a fun week of teaching, crafting, laughing and of course eating! It is always tiring and hectic at times even a little scary since after seven years of teaching together my friend Amy and I realized we were very organized this year - something new for each of us! It is always so neat to hear the kids singing about God and being excited about what they are learning. I heard at least 26 children accepted Jesus as their Savior. That makes it all the more exciting!

Thank you all who continue to pray for our family. I am already praying for where God will use us next. We are all healing and doing well. We continue to be blessed by the stories we hear of how Luke's story has touched lives. Thank you for sharing. I continue to write thank you notes and know I have missed some of you. I appreciate everything you have done to help.

If you get a chance to read Psalm 145, that is what I was drawn to this week.

Change

I am not one to make big changes quickly. Even though I like to be spontaneous in the day-to-day, I like to think things over for a while...like moving to Georgia. Eric likes to tell that I came down I-70 making fingernail marks as I held on to the highway, but I now call Georgia home. We don't have family here but God has provided us with His family in our Christian friends here. Having Luke was a big change I had to think over a while. I was okay with two children but when we got pregnant I had to get my mind around three. I was so ready for our family to grow and ready to love a new little baby. I now have to get my mind back around our family of four. We were five for such a brief moment in time - but I was ready for that. We all work not to forget Luke. Hogan put a picture of him on my phone today so I won't forget him. I continue to walk back through each of his days as I imprint each moment into my mind. God continues to bless us each day some with laughter, some with tears, some with questions but mostly with assurance. How could we live without God's assurance that He is with us each step of the way. In Utmost for His Highest it says, "When we realize how feeble we are in facing difficulties, the difficulties become like giants, we become like grasshoppers, and God seems to be nonexistent. But remember God's assurance to us - 'I will never...forsake you.'" No matter what God is with us and carrying us. I was recently talking with a friend walking through a very difficult time and we talked about how when we know "we can't do it" God always brings us through with strength and peace for every moment.

Today is one month without Luke on this earth. It has been a month of change. Death, a funeral, going back to a "normal" life, school ending, travel, a haircut (I had a big haircut this week). My hairdresser was hesitant to do such a drastic cut - too much change at once, but I laughed and said let's just do it! Change can seem hard but usually ends up good and it has been especially good for Luke because he no longer is confined to his struggles here on earth.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance."